Feeling More Like a Parent Than a Partner

So that night I did what I always do when I have a problem...I talked about it with my mom. I told her the whole story about how I found the pot in his room and I expected her to be horrified by it. She didn't even seem fazed by it. She even began to take his side by saying that he has been going through a lot lately and saying that I can be a controlling boy friend. What the fuck?!? This is my mother! She's suppose to be on my side! Am I really that controlling? I'm sorry that I don't want a cheating, pot smoking, college drop out for a boy friend. She tried telling me that I have to trust him and trust that he wants to be there for me, and to be there to support him and not be another enemy. She also tried explaining to me that although it's not smart that he's smoking pot, it's also not as terrible as it could be. She always did, and still does have a vision in her head that me and Mr. Myspace are going to get married and have amazing jobs with kids and pets, and blah blah blah. But I don't know if I can see that happening with out me "controlling" him. I feel the need to control him to help get him back on track. But it's so draining. It seems that if I keep getting on his case about helping his mom, getting a job, going back to school, that he eventually takes the steps he needs to, but it's just so draining. I end up feeling more like a parent than a partner. That shouldn't have to be my responsibility. But when his parents look at me asking me to talk to him what am I suppose to do? Stay out of it? I had to start telling myself that I'm the partner not the parent. I explained this to him and he was excited to hear. But I knew it was going to be hard for me to keep my big mouth shut. I went to his house and once again he was home alone. I texted him when I pulled up to the house and he replied that the door was open and to just walk in. As I walked in I hear him in the shower. I sat on his bed and kicked off my shoes. I didn't even have the urge to go through his stuff. I sat and waited until I heard the water turn off. He walked in to the bedroom with a towel around his waist, his hair was still dripping wet. He walked towards his closet. I got up from his bed slowly and quietly. I snook up from behind him and ripped his towel off. He pressed his body up against mine. His wet body seeped through my clothes. We began to make out as I put my fingers through his wet hair and gave it a pull. He threw me onto his bed tearing my jeans off of me as I took my shirt off. He pushed my legs back so that my feet were near my face. He began to thrust into me and and began to moan. Before I knew it we were laying in his bed relaxing. I could totally use a nap. I turned over on my side wanting him to hold me, but nothing. Instead he got up and went into his drawer for a pair of underwear. When he opened his draw I seen noticed huge bottle of Vodka empty. I curiously asked "oo! whats that" He giggled and told me about a party he went to with his friend and for the first time snorted coke. I just replied "oh nice". It was killing me not to lecture him about how dangerous and irresponsible he was being, but I didn't. I kept telling myself partner not parent, partner not parent, partner not parent. And everything went smoothly.I was glad that he felt comfortable enough to share the story with me, but deep down I wasn't glad he did it. I reassured myself that it's his life he's playing around with, not mine...

Choose Me or the Weed

Shortly after me and Mr. Myspace were back together. Things were going great between us. He came over while I was working at the daycare. He had brought me a copy of the newest Britney Spears album as a surprise. I was so excited to see him. I sat there at the daycare watching the clock just as much as I was watching the kids. When the clock hit 5 me and him ran out to my car. I drove home, and he followed behind me in his car. I had been hungry so when we got to my house we decided to take his car to go out to eat. Although the two of us were so horned up that we had something else in mind to eat. We decided to drive behind my house on the dirt path called "the pipe line" there was nothing but a dirt path back there because since there was a major gas line, a pipe big enough to drive a car through, the town was unable to build on top of it. We drove his car on the dirt road, and decided to get dirty ourselves. After our back seat rendezvous was over I went into his glove compartment looking for tissues to clean up our mess. Instead of tissues I found something else....his bowl. My stomach instantly twisted into knots again. He told me he was done, he told me he wasn't going to smoke anymore. We hopped back into the front seat and began to drive. I made him pull over. I grabbed his bowl and got out of the car. He followed asking what I was doing. I stood over the towns garbage can. "Choose one or the other, which is it going to be? Me or pot?", I asked. He claimed that it wasn't his, it was a friends who smoked in his car. I dropped the bowl into the garbage can. He started yelling, "what the fuck is your problem?!?". I walked back over to his car and got in. He never said the words "I choose you" like I was hoping for, but he didn't go back for the bowl which made me feel better. He got back into the car and asked, "how can you judge me for doing something you've never even have tried?" I didn't respond. The thought of me smoking weed made my leg start to tremble. I just thought of how my mom would react if she found out that I had been doing drugs. All my life she would tell us stories of how her brother and sister's lives were so screwed up because of the drugs that did and still do to this day. I never wanted to be like that. We drove to the dinner and didn't speak about it again that night...

Mother Knows Best

After a month of very little talking since we were now broken up, I decided to take a trip up to Mr. Myspace's house. When he answered the door he looked a little confused as to why I was there. I could see his mom in the kitchen cooking, as I heard her yell "oh hey Jimmy!" He now had to let me in whether he wanted to or not. I walked in and he went to the computer room. As I was in the kitchen talking to his mom and catching her up on how I was doing, I could hear him typing away. My mind automatically went to the fact that he was talking to other guys, or his pot head friends. I tried to ignore the sound and just kept talking to his mom. I knew that the more I talked to her the more his blood boiled. So I talked louder. She told me how she was talking to Mr. Myspace's father again, and that they had been considering working things out. It was then that I realized that I could be playing this game my whole life. I refused to end up being like his mother and after years of marriage finding out he was cheating the entire time. I was determined to break this family cycle. I suppose Mr. Myspace told her about what I had said before we had broken up, or she could just feel the tension in the room, but she suggested that the three of us walk around the block for pizza. While walking over Mr. Myspace walked ahead to go return some movies back to the movie rental, and me and her went to the pizza place. She then began to complain to me how Mr. Myspace was frustrating her, because he has all this potential, and instead all he's doing is working at dunkin' donuts. I felt the same way. She asked me if I could try talking to him, and help him get his act together. She aid that he would be out all night, and sometimes not even come home, because he was upset that his father might be moving back in. They had just flown down to Florida to see his sisters, since they go to college out there playing soft ball, and while they were out there his father told them about his affair. It must have been like reliving the whole thing over again for Mr. Myspace. His Dad had been living with the mistress for about three months, and now wanted to come back home. I couldn't imagine being in his mother's shoes. Of course you want your husband to move back home, but how can you trust him again? I didn't want to be in the place 20yrs from now. I told her I would do my best to try and talk to him, but I told her that we hadn't really been on speaking terms. She said she heard about what happened, and Mr. Myspace walked in from behind her. She knew that he heard what we were talking about. He claimed once again that me and his situation was nothing like his parents, and before he could say anymore his mom stepped in and said, "it's exactly the same". She went on to explain how cheating is cheating, it doesn't matter if your with someone for 2 years or 20 years. I was shocked. I totally didn't see that one coming. We got our pizza and sat down. We talked about each others lives, and didn't return to a conversation about relationships. Before we knew it we were all laughing and having a good time. For once he wasn't yelling at his mom, and she wasn't nagging him about anything, and we just laughed. I had a good time. We went back to the house and his mom said that she was tired and going to head off to bed. It was early for her, but I was glad. I wanted the opportunity to talk to Mr. Myspace. While she went upstairs, I sat oh the white leather couch. The lights were off but the light from the kitchen made it possible to see. I could have turned the T.V. on, but I didn't bother. I laid down and closed my eyes. When I opened them there was a candle light. Mr. Myspace loved to randomly light candles. Not to be romantic, he just liked the smell of them. He sat down at the edge of the couch by my feet, and took out his phone. The screen light up his face. I knew that sitting up and seeing what he was doing would cause in argument. So I did what I do best to get his attention. I stuck my foot in between his legs and rubbed his crouch and inner thigh. It seemed as though when ever I would brush up against Mr. Myspace's crouch, either it be on purpose or on accident, it would make him instantly hard, which was a total turn on for me. He took my foot and began to rub it. It felt so good, as if we were a couple. He put my big toe onto his lips and began to lick my toes. I never knew how good that it could feel. I sat up and sat on his lap. We began to make out passionately. I put my hand up his shirt to feel his hairy chest. Before I knew it my shirt was off and my pants were around my ankles. Our hairy body's rubbing up against each other. He scratched his nails down my back. What normally would have hurt any other time, felt so good. I had missed his touch that badly. That was the first night that we had done it in his living room. If his Dad would have still been living there we would have never gotten the opportunity, because he would have been watching us like a hawk unless we were to go into the basement on his futon. I went home that night knowing he had missed me as much as I had missed him....

Father Like Son

Me and Mr. Myspace were big fans of sexting. Between texting what we would be doing if we were having sex at that moment, or sending each other dirty pictures. I wasn't a huge fan of the dirty pictures though. Taking them took time, and while taking the picture I would begin to get turned off plus I always ended up being out in public when I would open a text from him and it would be a giant picture of his dick. But I still would send pictures to him because I knew it got him excited which was pretty hot. I was a bigger fan of talking/ texting dirty. Being that I no longer really trusted him since I had caught him sending pictures to other guys, I always had the idea in the back of my head that I got that picture after he sent it to someone else. I would always notice if it was light out in the picture when he sent it to me at night, or if what he was wearing in the picture didn't match up with what he wore that day. I didn't say anything, I kept it to myself, but I had a strong feeling it was still going on. While watching a movie in my basement, once again instead of getting frisky with me, he fell asleep. My stomach began to tie in knots. I needed to check his phone. There is no way that I can have this strong of a gut feeling with out it being true. When I looked through his sent text messages I noticed he had been sending pictures to two other guys other than me. He didn't even have the balls to delete the texts. You would think that by now he knows how much of a snoop I am and that if he was going to do something wrong he would cover his tracks, but nope. I was pissed. I got up of of the recliner. I hit him and said firmly, "get up". He acted as though he was confused, but it shouldn't have been hard for him to put the pieces together. He claimed he was tired, but I forced him to get up stairs. Once he got up and came up stairs I told him to put his shoes on, because we were going outside to talk about it. I tend to be a quiet and shy type of person, but tonight the beast in me came out. You could definitely tell that I was my mother's child. When I got him outside I walked over to his car and began screaming. I don't even remember what I was saying, I just knew I had to say it loud to get my frustrations out and to maybe get it through his head that I wasn't going to put up with it. My mom was able to hear me from in the house, through the dinning room, through the kitchen, and into the living room. He just stood there with a blank look on his face. I didn't know what else to do or say to get it through to him. I asked, "are you going to respond? do you even care?" and he answered, "what? it's not like I slept with anyone." AHHHHHHHH!!!! He didn't get it. I pounded on his chest as I screamed. I then yelled, "father like son". I then got a reaction from him, which is what I had been looking for. He got in my face and firmly said, "Do not compare me to my father, this is totally different." He then got into his car and drove off leaving me in the middle of the street. I began to think, did I take it to far? or was it something that he needed to hear?

Having the House to Ourselves

It seemed as though lately all of me and Mr. Myspace's arguments were about him smoking pot. It drove me crazy! I couldn't understand why it was so hard for him to stop? He claims it's not addictive, but yet if he stopped smoking it would stop all arguments between me and him and things would be fine. So in my head I rationalized it that he was choosing the pot over me. He didn't care about how much it bothered me, he was doing to keep doing it. So he did what he does best to keep from starting an argument....he hid it from me. Although he told me that he stopped and I believed him, so in my mind things had been going great. I thought that things were really starting to look up. His mom seemed to be doing alright on her own, she had been going out with girl friends of hers to dance clubs and talking to guys, and Mr. Myspace had gotten a new job at dunkin' donuts. He had also applied to go back to school since he had dropped out last semester. I was really proud of him, after all of the drama that had been going on in with his family, he was able to get his act together. I decided to surprise him one day at work. I loved his coworkers, they were so nice and friendly. I wouldn't mind sitting there all day talking to them, and sometimes I did. I could tell when I walked in that he was happy to see me by the grin on his face. I waited till his shift was over and we went back to his house so he could get changed. When we pulled up to the house his mom's car wasn't in the drive way, she must have went out with her friends. We walked into the house and Mr. Myspace stopped at the refrigerator, as always, to see what his mom had cooked for dinner. I walked up from behind him and kissed his neck, wrapped my arms around him, and squeezed his chest. I slid my right hand down and to his thigh and felt that he was hard. He turned around and grabbed me tight, and whispered in my ear, "let's take this upstairs". I giggled as the two of us ran upstairs.He ripped my shirt off once I got in the door and roughly took my pants off. I did the same to him and we got under the covers. I wanted to just lay there. Feeling his body up against mine was like heaven. It felt like a safe, warm place. But he was fully horned up. He began to bite my neck hard. I hated when he got this rough. He wasn't being abusive, because it wasn't out of anger, but it still hurt. It was a major turn on for him. So I would just get rough back. He didn't seem to like it being done to him so much, but fuck that...he wasn't going to bite me all over like a vampire and get away with it. I flipped him over, pinned his arms down and bit his lower lip till he moaned. He managed to fight his way out and pin me down. It then became a wrestling match in his bed. When ever this would happen I loved it! We could be as loud as we wanted because we had the house to ourselves. The more we wrestled the more turned on we would each get. After an hour and a half of wrestling and fucking like rabbits the two of us laid in his bed out of breath. I wanted to cuddle and be held by him so bad, but he just laid there. His phone began to vibrate. He looked at it, ignored the call and put the phone on his desk. I always hated when he did that. I got up out of the bed. If I was going to just lay in bed and be ignored by him I might has well of jerked off laying in my own bed. At least I wouldn't have a half hour drive after it. He said he needed a shower since he was all gross from sex and from work. Him taking a shower was always a long, dragged out process. He would always make us late when we had some where to be, because of his beatifying routine. He was worse than a girl. I sure as hell was not going to sit there while he showered, and not snoop around out of boredom. When he got up and put in clothes in with his dirty clothes, I noticed he took his phone with him. I sat on his bed and heard the shower turn on. I now had the opportunity to go through his room, or be a good boy friend and sit and wait until he got out of the shower. I decided to be a naughty boy friend. And no I didn't go through his room...I went into the bathroom, stripped down to nothing and got in the shower with him. We began to wash each other down and get turned on again. I loved having an empty place to ourselves because it gave us the chance to play house. I felt as though I could marry him and we could do this every morning. After our shower we didn't even bother drying off, we went back to his bed room. And this was the first time Mr. Myspace showered in under an hour...

My Discovery

I knew that Mr. Myspace had been going through a lot, so I tried to stay off of his back about hanging out, although I did really want to see him. Not like I would have gotten an opportunity to though, because it seemed as though he was going out with his friends every night. To be honest I always had an uneasy feeling when he would say that he was going out because it usually meant that I wouldn't hear about what happened until the next day, if I was even lucky enough to get it out of him. He had been going out with the bad influence a lot lately. I liked her and all, but she did have some crazy party stories. Well one weekend I decided I would stop over to Mr. Myspace's since I didn't want to make him come to my house all night and leave his mom home. He was in the shower so I decided I would go into his room and do what I always did best...snoop around. I know it was wrong of me, but after the lying and cheating I always had a gut feeling that he was hiding something. He had a draw in his desk where he kept all of his sex toys that we would use. I decided to take a look in there to make sure there was nothing new that I didn't know about. I would do this every so often when I got the chance to go threw it. This time aside from the dildo, hand cuffs, lube, condoms, sex dice from his birthday party, pornos, and the magazine's with naked guys in them was a little blue pouch. I opened it and there was a little glass object, a bag filled with, what looked like drugs, and a lighter. Growing up with a some what sheltered life I had never seen this before. My stomach was in knots. Similar to the feeling when I couldn't trust that he wasn't cheating on me. I could hear him getting out of the shower so I threw it back into the draw, shut it, and jumped onto his bed, pretending to text on my phone like I had been sitting there waiting the whole time. He came out of the bathroom and went into his sister's bedroom which was not being used since they now live in Florida, and put on his Leona Lewis CD on full blast and came into his bedroom. Wearing nothing but a towel, and still wet from the shower he dropped his towel at the door and jumped on top of me. There was obviously not going to be a conversation about what I found in his desk draw at this point. This would have never happened if Mr. Myspace's dad was around, because we were not allowed in his bedroom together, in fear that we might be having sex, but little did he know we were doing it on the futon in the basement every weekend. The sex was good, although it was hard to get that twisted knot feeling out of my stomach. We spent the rest of the day hanging out around the house with his mom. Although she spent most of the day on the phone with her family. I could tell when ever she was saying something about her husband, or something she didn't want me to hear because she would go from talking in English to Spanish. I wanted to say something to him about what I found so badly just to get it off my chest, but I didn't want to start arguing in front of his mom. When she got off the phone she asked us what we had planned for the night? We both shrugged our shoulder and replied that we didn't know. So she suggested that we went to the movie rental place around the corner. Since it was a pretty nice night we decided to walk. The stars looked awesome in the sky. It was a clear night, and the moon was bright enough to light the streets. Mr. Myspace got a sudden burst of energy and began to run ahead and did a cartwheel in the grass, while I laughed. I ran to catch up with him and we laughed together as we walked into the movie store. When ever picking a movie to watch we could never agree. He wanted to see a horror or action movie. And I always wanted to see a comedy, or romantic movie. So after bickering for an hour about what movie to watch we got Kat Williams stand up comedy. We got back to the house and went into the basement to watch the movie. And of course since it was a movie that I picked Mr. Myspace began to put the moves on me. If we had gone with a movie that he wanted to watch I would have to wait to do anything till after the movie so he could pay attention. We usually laughed about how "watching a movie" was code for sex. Because we always got 10min into the movie and then didn't even look back at the screen until the ending. Unless it was a movie that Mr. Myspace wanted to see, then he wouldn't even notice I was there. I wanted to watch it, but to be honest it felt so good that I didn't mind. After our second and third sex session of the day we decided to go back to the movie. I love Kat Williams and I think he is hilarious, but I didn't realize that his whole special was going to be about weed. Mr. Myspace thought it was hilarious. The more he laughed at it the more pissed I got. I wanted to say something, but I kept my cool. It was getting to be 11:30 and my curfew was 12. We got up and he walked me to my car. We kissed and held each other for a little while looking up at how beautiful the sky was, then I got in my car and drove off. The more I drove the more I thought about what I had found in his bed room. I pulled out my phone and texted him, "hey whatcha up to?" he replied that he was going out with the "bad influence". I rolled my eyes when I read the text and got the knot back in my stomach. I then decided to tell him what I found in his room. H e responded with a "okay? so what?" He acted as though I found a pack of cigarettes in his draw. Then when I began to tell him how bad it was and that it was illegal, he got very defensive. And asked what I was doing snooping through his stuff in the first place. I should have seen this coming. I tried calling him and he didn't answer. I tried calling two more times, and nothing. Once I got home I tried one more time, but now his phone was off. I ended up getting little to no sleep that night. Just stared at the ceiling. My mind wouldn't shut down and stop thinking. So I stared at my ceiling fan until I eventually passes out with the phone in my hand in case he decided to call or text me back...

Father, Son Relationship

With Mr. Myspace's moods going up and down as much as a roller coaster ride, his relationship with his parents was obviously on the rocks. But for as longs as I had known him his relationship with his father was never good. According to him he use to be very close to his father until he came out that he was gay. His father had a hard time excepting it, and their relationship has not been the same since. But I have to give his father credit, because for someone who was not accepting of his son being gay, he never gave me a reason to think so. His dad always made me feel comfortable when I was at the house and was always interested in how me and my family were doing. When my dad would see Mr. Myspace it was a shocker if he said hi to him. But that's how my dad is. He's not homophobic, he's just blah. I know that blah isn't an adjective, but my dad is so relaxed all the time that you would think he was stoned. But both of Mr. Myspace's parents treated me as if I was their son. It was odd because it seemed as though I had a better relationship with his parents than he did, which put me in the middle of their arguments most of the time. Especially with the high amounts of debt Mr. Myspace had accumulated after being fired from his assistant job the tension was high. One night while I was home since it was a school night I had been texting Mr. Myspace. He had told me that his parents wanted to sit down and have a talk with him. I figured it was to talk about his behavior and that if he wasn't working he had to pickup some slack around the house, because they were always on his case about not doing anything around the house. I was not expecting the family chat to take the dramatic turn that it did. He told me that he would text me after the talk. He didn't text me that night until 2:30am telling me how much he hated his father and that he hoped he rotted in hell. The family meeting was to explain to Mr. Myspace that  his father had been having an affair. Once they told him, he ran outside slamming the door behind him. Outside with his friend "the bad influence". She gave him a hug and he cried on her shoulder that night. I wish it could have been my shoulder, because I felt horrible for him, but unfortunately I had been sleeping the time this happened. Mr. Myspace didn't come home that night. That weekend I went to Mr. Myspace's house to watch a movie. This had to be one of the most awkward moments in my life. It was still undecided if his dad was going to be staying at the house still or moving out with the mistress. I couldn't believe that his mother didn't kick his ass out on the curb. I wasn't getting involved so I pretended like I didn't know anything. I just said hi, and walked into the basement. While in the middle of watching the Will and Grace seasons his mom came down stairs asking if he could come up for a minute. He replied that he had nothing left to say. When she left I told him that he should go up, at least for his mom because she was obviously going through a lot. It was killing me, I had to hear what they were talking about. Plus they left me down stairs by myself so what else was I to do? I left Will and Grace running on the tv, and I stood by the stairs. It was hard to hear them over the tv, but Mr. Myspace wasn't speaking. I heard his mom saying things with a little more detail, like that the mistress was someone who his dad worked with, and that they had been having the affair for years, and then the next part shocked me...he was moving in with his mistress. Mr. Myspace I thought handled it very well. He didn't freak out like I had expected, he calmly came down stairs and said, "lets go". I didn't know if it was the best idea to leave his mom alone, because I didn't want her to be lonely, but maybe his parents needed their space. So like after every fight with his parents we went around the mall to walk around. It was kind of a quiet car ride. I didn't know what to talk about, and I didn't want to blast music, because this obviously wasn't a mood that you could just shake off with a good song. So I grabbed his hand as I began to notice his eyes tear up. He squeezed my hand as a tear streamed down his cheek and he rested his head on my shoulder till we got the mall. I was happy that I could be there for him this time...