Feeling More Like a Parent Than a Partner

So that night I did what I always do when I have a problem...I talked about it with my mom. I told her the whole story about how I found the pot in his room and I expected her to be horrified by it. She didn't even seem fazed by it. She even began to take his side by saying that he has been going through a lot lately and saying that I can be a controlling boy friend. What the fuck?!? This is my mother! She's suppose to be on my side! Am I really that controlling? I'm sorry that I don't want a cheating, pot smoking, college drop out for a boy friend. She tried telling me that I have to trust him and trust that he wants to be there for me, and to be there to support him and not be another enemy. She also tried explaining to me that although it's not smart that he's smoking pot, it's also not as terrible as it could be. She always did, and still does have a vision in her head that me and Mr. Myspace are going to get married and have amazing jobs with kids and pets, and blah blah blah. But I don't know if I can see that happening with out me "controlling" him. I feel the need to control him to help get him back on track. But it's so draining. It seems that if I keep getting on his case about helping his mom, getting a job, going back to school, that he eventually takes the steps he needs to, but it's just so draining. I end up feeling more like a parent than a partner. That shouldn't have to be my responsibility. But when his parents look at me asking me to talk to him what am I suppose to do? Stay out of it? I had to start telling myself that I'm the partner not the parent. I explained this to him and he was excited to hear. But I knew it was going to be hard for me to keep my big mouth shut. I went to his house and once again he was home alone. I texted him when I pulled up to the house and he replied that the door was open and to just walk in. As I walked in I hear him in the shower. I sat on his bed and kicked off my shoes. I didn't even have the urge to go through his stuff. I sat and waited until I heard the water turn off. He walked in to the bedroom with a towel around his waist, his hair was still dripping wet. He walked towards his closet. I got up from his bed slowly and quietly. I snook up from behind him and ripped his towel off. He pressed his body up against mine. His wet body seeped through my clothes. We began to make out as I put my fingers through his wet hair and gave it a pull. He threw me onto his bed tearing my jeans off of me as I took my shirt off. He pushed my legs back so that my feet were near my face. He began to thrust into me and and began to moan. Before I knew it we were laying in his bed relaxing. I could totally use a nap. I turned over on my side wanting him to hold me, but nothing. Instead he got up and went into his drawer for a pair of underwear. When he opened his draw I seen noticed huge bottle of Vodka empty. I curiously asked "oo! whats that" He giggled and told me about a party he went to with his friend and for the first time snorted coke. I just replied "oh nice". It was killing me not to lecture him about how dangerous and irresponsible he was being, but I didn't. I kept telling myself partner not parent, partner not parent, partner not parent. And everything went smoothly.I was glad that he felt comfortable enough to share the story with me, but deep down I wasn't glad he did it. I reassured myself that it's his life he's playing around with, not mine...

Choose Me or the Weed

Shortly after me and Mr. Myspace were back together. Things were going great between us. He came over while I was working at the daycare. He had brought me a copy of the newest Britney Spears album as a surprise. I was so excited to see him. I sat there at the daycare watching the clock just as much as I was watching the kids. When the clock hit 5 me and him ran out to my car. I drove home, and he followed behind me in his car. I had been hungry so when we got to my house we decided to take his car to go out to eat. Although the two of us were so horned up that we had something else in mind to eat. We decided to drive behind my house on the dirt path called "the pipe line" there was nothing but a dirt path back there because since there was a major gas line, a pipe big enough to drive a car through, the town was unable to build on top of it. We drove his car on the dirt road, and decided to get dirty ourselves. After our back seat rendezvous was over I went into his glove compartment looking for tissues to clean up our mess. Instead of tissues I found something else....his bowl. My stomach instantly twisted into knots again. He told me he was done, he told me he wasn't going to smoke anymore. We hopped back into the front seat and began to drive. I made him pull over. I grabbed his bowl and got out of the car. He followed asking what I was doing. I stood over the towns garbage can. "Choose one or the other, which is it going to be? Me or pot?", I asked. He claimed that it wasn't his, it was a friends who smoked in his car. I dropped the bowl into the garbage can. He started yelling, "what the fuck is your problem?!?". I walked back over to his car and got in. He never said the words "I choose you" like I was hoping for, but he didn't go back for the bowl which made me feel better. He got back into the car and asked, "how can you judge me for doing something you've never even have tried?" I didn't respond. The thought of me smoking weed made my leg start to tremble. I just thought of how my mom would react if she found out that I had been doing drugs. All my life she would tell us stories of how her brother and sister's lives were so screwed up because of the drugs that did and still do to this day. I never wanted to be like that. We drove to the dinner and didn't speak about it again that night...

Mother Knows Best

After a month of very little talking since we were now broken up, I decided to take a trip up to Mr. Myspace's house. When he answered the door he looked a little confused as to why I was there. I could see his mom in the kitchen cooking, as I heard her yell "oh hey Jimmy!" He now had to let me in whether he wanted to or not. I walked in and he went to the computer room. As I was in the kitchen talking to his mom and catching her up on how I was doing, I could hear him typing away. My mind automatically went to the fact that he was talking to other guys, or his pot head friends. I tried to ignore the sound and just kept talking to his mom. I knew that the more I talked to her the more his blood boiled. So I talked louder. She told me how she was talking to Mr. Myspace's father again, and that they had been considering working things out. It was then that I realized that I could be playing this game my whole life. I refused to end up being like his mother and after years of marriage finding out he was cheating the entire time. I was determined to break this family cycle. I suppose Mr. Myspace told her about what I had said before we had broken up, or she could just feel the tension in the room, but she suggested that the three of us walk around the block for pizza. While walking over Mr. Myspace walked ahead to go return some movies back to the movie rental, and me and her went to the pizza place. She then began to complain to me how Mr. Myspace was frustrating her, because he has all this potential, and instead all he's doing is working at dunkin' donuts. I felt the same way. She asked me if I could try talking to him, and help him get his act together. She aid that he would be out all night, and sometimes not even come home, because he was upset that his father might be moving back in. They had just flown down to Florida to see his sisters, since they go to college out there playing soft ball, and while they were out there his father told them about his affair. It must have been like reliving the whole thing over again for Mr. Myspace. His Dad had been living with the mistress for about three months, and now wanted to come back home. I couldn't imagine being in his mother's shoes. Of course you want your husband to move back home, but how can you trust him again? I didn't want to be in the place 20yrs from now. I told her I would do my best to try and talk to him, but I told her that we hadn't really been on speaking terms. She said she heard about what happened, and Mr. Myspace walked in from behind her. She knew that he heard what we were talking about. He claimed once again that me and his situation was nothing like his parents, and before he could say anymore his mom stepped in and said, "it's exactly the same". She went on to explain how cheating is cheating, it doesn't matter if your with someone for 2 years or 20 years. I was shocked. I totally didn't see that one coming. We got our pizza and sat down. We talked about each others lives, and didn't return to a conversation about relationships. Before we knew it we were all laughing and having a good time. For once he wasn't yelling at his mom, and she wasn't nagging him about anything, and we just laughed. I had a good time. We went back to the house and his mom said that she was tired and going to head off to bed. It was early for her, but I was glad. I wanted the opportunity to talk to Mr. Myspace. While she went upstairs, I sat oh the white leather couch. The lights were off but the light from the kitchen made it possible to see. I could have turned the T.V. on, but I didn't bother. I laid down and closed my eyes. When I opened them there was a candle light. Mr. Myspace loved to randomly light candles. Not to be romantic, he just liked the smell of them. He sat down at the edge of the couch by my feet, and took out his phone. The screen light up his face. I knew that sitting up and seeing what he was doing would cause in argument. So I did what I do best to get his attention. I stuck my foot in between his legs and rubbed his crouch and inner thigh. It seemed as though when ever I would brush up against Mr. Myspace's crouch, either it be on purpose or on accident, it would make him instantly hard, which was a total turn on for me. He took my foot and began to rub it. It felt so good, as if we were a couple. He put my big toe onto his lips and began to lick my toes. I never knew how good that it could feel. I sat up and sat on his lap. We began to make out passionately. I put my hand up his shirt to feel his hairy chest. Before I knew it my shirt was off and my pants were around my ankles. Our hairy body's rubbing up against each other. He scratched his nails down my back. What normally would have hurt any other time, felt so good. I had missed his touch that badly. That was the first night that we had done it in his living room. If his Dad would have still been living there we would have never gotten the opportunity, because he would have been watching us like a hawk unless we were to go into the basement on his futon. I went home that night knowing he had missed me as much as I had missed him....

Father Like Son

Me and Mr. Myspace were big fans of sexting. Between texting what we would be doing if we were having sex at that moment, or sending each other dirty pictures. I wasn't a huge fan of the dirty pictures though. Taking them took time, and while taking the picture I would begin to get turned off plus I always ended up being out in public when I would open a text from him and it would be a giant picture of his dick. But I still would send pictures to him because I knew it got him excited which was pretty hot. I was a bigger fan of talking/ texting dirty. Being that I no longer really trusted him since I had caught him sending pictures to other guys, I always had the idea in the back of my head that I got that picture after he sent it to someone else. I would always notice if it was light out in the picture when he sent it to me at night, or if what he was wearing in the picture didn't match up with what he wore that day. I didn't say anything, I kept it to myself, but I had a strong feeling it was still going on. While watching a movie in my basement, once again instead of getting frisky with me, he fell asleep. My stomach began to tie in knots. I needed to check his phone. There is no way that I can have this strong of a gut feeling with out it being true. When I looked through his sent text messages I noticed he had been sending pictures to two other guys other than me. He didn't even have the balls to delete the texts. You would think that by now he knows how much of a snoop I am and that if he was going to do something wrong he would cover his tracks, but nope. I was pissed. I got up of of the recliner. I hit him and said firmly, "get up". He acted as though he was confused, but it shouldn't have been hard for him to put the pieces together. He claimed he was tired, but I forced him to get up stairs. Once he got up and came up stairs I told him to put his shoes on, because we were going outside to talk about it. I tend to be a quiet and shy type of person, but tonight the beast in me came out. You could definitely tell that I was my mother's child. When I got him outside I walked over to his car and began screaming. I don't even remember what I was saying, I just knew I had to say it loud to get my frustrations out and to maybe get it through his head that I wasn't going to put up with it. My mom was able to hear me from in the house, through the dinning room, through the kitchen, and into the living room. He just stood there with a blank look on his face. I didn't know what else to do or say to get it through to him. I asked, "are you going to respond? do you even care?" and he answered, "what? it's not like I slept with anyone." AHHHHHHHH!!!! He didn't get it. I pounded on his chest as I screamed. I then yelled, "father like son". I then got a reaction from him, which is what I had been looking for. He got in my face and firmly said, "Do not compare me to my father, this is totally different." He then got into his car and drove off leaving me in the middle of the street. I began to think, did I take it to far? or was it something that he needed to hear?

Having the House to Ourselves

It seemed as though lately all of me and Mr. Myspace's arguments were about him smoking pot. It drove me crazy! I couldn't understand why it was so hard for him to stop? He claims it's not addictive, but yet if he stopped smoking it would stop all arguments between me and him and things would be fine. So in my head I rationalized it that he was choosing the pot over me. He didn't care about how much it bothered me, he was doing to keep doing it. So he did what he does best to keep from starting an argument....he hid it from me. Although he told me that he stopped and I believed him, so in my mind things had been going great. I thought that things were really starting to look up. His mom seemed to be doing alright on her own, she had been going out with girl friends of hers to dance clubs and talking to guys, and Mr. Myspace had gotten a new job at dunkin' donuts. He had also applied to go back to school since he had dropped out last semester. I was really proud of him, after all of the drama that had been going on in with his family, he was able to get his act together. I decided to surprise him one day at work. I loved his coworkers, they were so nice and friendly. I wouldn't mind sitting there all day talking to them, and sometimes I did. I could tell when I walked in that he was happy to see me by the grin on his face. I waited till his shift was over and we went back to his house so he could get changed. When we pulled up to the house his mom's car wasn't in the drive way, she must have went out with her friends. We walked into the house and Mr. Myspace stopped at the refrigerator, as always, to see what his mom had cooked for dinner. I walked up from behind him and kissed his neck, wrapped my arms around him, and squeezed his chest. I slid my right hand down and to his thigh and felt that he was hard. He turned around and grabbed me tight, and whispered in my ear, "let's take this upstairs". I giggled as the two of us ran upstairs.He ripped my shirt off once I got in the door and roughly took my pants off. I did the same to him and we got under the covers. I wanted to just lay there. Feeling his body up against mine was like heaven. It felt like a safe, warm place. But he was fully horned up. He began to bite my neck hard. I hated when he got this rough. He wasn't being abusive, because it wasn't out of anger, but it still hurt. It was a major turn on for him. So I would just get rough back. He didn't seem to like it being done to him so much, but fuck that...he wasn't going to bite me all over like a vampire and get away with it. I flipped him over, pinned his arms down and bit his lower lip till he moaned. He managed to fight his way out and pin me down. It then became a wrestling match in his bed. When ever this would happen I loved it! We could be as loud as we wanted because we had the house to ourselves. The more we wrestled the more turned on we would each get. After an hour and a half of wrestling and fucking like rabbits the two of us laid in his bed out of breath. I wanted to cuddle and be held by him so bad, but he just laid there. His phone began to vibrate. He looked at it, ignored the call and put the phone on his desk. I always hated when he did that. I got up out of the bed. If I was going to just lay in bed and be ignored by him I might has well of jerked off laying in my own bed. At least I wouldn't have a half hour drive after it. He said he needed a shower since he was all gross from sex and from work. Him taking a shower was always a long, dragged out process. He would always make us late when we had some where to be, because of his beatifying routine. He was worse than a girl. I sure as hell was not going to sit there while he showered, and not snoop around out of boredom. When he got up and put in clothes in with his dirty clothes, I noticed he took his phone with him. I sat on his bed and heard the shower turn on. I now had the opportunity to go through his room, or be a good boy friend and sit and wait until he got out of the shower. I decided to be a naughty boy friend. And no I didn't go through his room...I went into the bathroom, stripped down to nothing and got in the shower with him. We began to wash each other down and get turned on again. I loved having an empty place to ourselves because it gave us the chance to play house. I felt as though I could marry him and we could do this every morning. After our shower we didn't even bother drying off, we went back to his bed room. And this was the first time Mr. Myspace showered in under an hour...

My Discovery

I knew that Mr. Myspace had been going through a lot, so I tried to stay off of his back about hanging out, although I did really want to see him. Not like I would have gotten an opportunity to though, because it seemed as though he was going out with his friends every night. To be honest I always had an uneasy feeling when he would say that he was going out because it usually meant that I wouldn't hear about what happened until the next day, if I was even lucky enough to get it out of him. He had been going out with the bad influence a lot lately. I liked her and all, but she did have some crazy party stories. Well one weekend I decided I would stop over to Mr. Myspace's since I didn't want to make him come to my house all night and leave his mom home. He was in the shower so I decided I would go into his room and do what I always did best...snoop around. I know it was wrong of me, but after the lying and cheating I always had a gut feeling that he was hiding something. He had a draw in his desk where he kept all of his sex toys that we would use. I decided to take a look in there to make sure there was nothing new that I didn't know about. I would do this every so often when I got the chance to go threw it. This time aside from the dildo, hand cuffs, lube, condoms, sex dice from his birthday party, pornos, and the magazine's with naked guys in them was a little blue pouch. I opened it and there was a little glass object, a bag filled with, what looked like drugs, and a lighter. Growing up with a some what sheltered life I had never seen this before. My stomach was in knots. Similar to the feeling when I couldn't trust that he wasn't cheating on me. I could hear him getting out of the shower so I threw it back into the draw, shut it, and jumped onto his bed, pretending to text on my phone like I had been sitting there waiting the whole time. He came out of the bathroom and went into his sister's bedroom which was not being used since they now live in Florida, and put on his Leona Lewis CD on full blast and came into his bedroom. Wearing nothing but a towel, and still wet from the shower he dropped his towel at the door and jumped on top of me. There was obviously not going to be a conversation about what I found in his desk draw at this point. This would have never happened if Mr. Myspace's dad was around, because we were not allowed in his bedroom together, in fear that we might be having sex, but little did he know we were doing it on the futon in the basement every weekend. The sex was good, although it was hard to get that twisted knot feeling out of my stomach. We spent the rest of the day hanging out around the house with his mom. Although she spent most of the day on the phone with her family. I could tell when ever she was saying something about her husband, or something she didn't want me to hear because she would go from talking in English to Spanish. I wanted to say something to him about what I found so badly just to get it off my chest, but I didn't want to start arguing in front of his mom. When she got off the phone she asked us what we had planned for the night? We both shrugged our shoulder and replied that we didn't know. So she suggested that we went to the movie rental place around the corner. Since it was a pretty nice night we decided to walk. The stars looked awesome in the sky. It was a clear night, and the moon was bright enough to light the streets. Mr. Myspace got a sudden burst of energy and began to run ahead and did a cartwheel in the grass, while I laughed. I ran to catch up with him and we laughed together as we walked into the movie store. When ever picking a movie to watch we could never agree. He wanted to see a horror or action movie. And I always wanted to see a comedy, or romantic movie. So after bickering for an hour about what movie to watch we got Kat Williams stand up comedy. We got back to the house and went into the basement to watch the movie. And of course since it was a movie that I picked Mr. Myspace began to put the moves on me. If we had gone with a movie that he wanted to watch I would have to wait to do anything till after the movie so he could pay attention. We usually laughed about how "watching a movie" was code for sex. Because we always got 10min into the movie and then didn't even look back at the screen until the ending. Unless it was a movie that Mr. Myspace wanted to see, then he wouldn't even notice I was there. I wanted to watch it, but to be honest it felt so good that I didn't mind. After our second and third sex session of the day we decided to go back to the movie. I love Kat Williams and I think he is hilarious, but I didn't realize that his whole special was going to be about weed. Mr. Myspace thought it was hilarious. The more he laughed at it the more pissed I got. I wanted to say something, but I kept my cool. It was getting to be 11:30 and my curfew was 12. We got up and he walked me to my car. We kissed and held each other for a little while looking up at how beautiful the sky was, then I got in my car and drove off. The more I drove the more I thought about what I had found in his bed room. I pulled out my phone and texted him, "hey whatcha up to?" he replied that he was going out with the "bad influence". I rolled my eyes when I read the text and got the knot back in my stomach. I then decided to tell him what I found in his room. H e responded with a "okay? so what?" He acted as though I found a pack of cigarettes in his draw. Then when I began to tell him how bad it was and that it was illegal, he got very defensive. And asked what I was doing snooping through his stuff in the first place. I should have seen this coming. I tried calling him and he didn't answer. I tried calling two more times, and nothing. Once I got home I tried one more time, but now his phone was off. I ended up getting little to no sleep that night. Just stared at the ceiling. My mind wouldn't shut down and stop thinking. So I stared at my ceiling fan until I eventually passes out with the phone in my hand in case he decided to call or text me back...

Father, Son Relationship

With Mr. Myspace's moods going up and down as much as a roller coaster ride, his relationship with his parents was obviously on the rocks. But for as longs as I had known him his relationship with his father was never good. According to him he use to be very close to his father until he came out that he was gay. His father had a hard time excepting it, and their relationship has not been the same since. But I have to give his father credit, because for someone who was not accepting of his son being gay, he never gave me a reason to think so. His dad always made me feel comfortable when I was at the house and was always interested in how me and my family were doing. When my dad would see Mr. Myspace it was a shocker if he said hi to him. But that's how my dad is. He's not homophobic, he's just blah. I know that blah isn't an adjective, but my dad is so relaxed all the time that you would think he was stoned. But both of Mr. Myspace's parents treated me as if I was their son. It was odd because it seemed as though I had a better relationship with his parents than he did, which put me in the middle of their arguments most of the time. Especially with the high amounts of debt Mr. Myspace had accumulated after being fired from his assistant job the tension was high. One night while I was home since it was a school night I had been texting Mr. Myspace. He had told me that his parents wanted to sit down and have a talk with him. I figured it was to talk about his behavior and that if he wasn't working he had to pickup some slack around the house, because they were always on his case about not doing anything around the house. I was not expecting the family chat to take the dramatic turn that it did. He told me that he would text me after the talk. He didn't text me that night until 2:30am telling me how much he hated his father and that he hoped he rotted in hell. The family meeting was to explain to Mr. Myspace that  his father had been having an affair. Once they told him, he ran outside slamming the door behind him. Outside with his friend "the bad influence". She gave him a hug and he cried on her shoulder that night. I wish it could have been my shoulder, because I felt horrible for him, but unfortunately I had been sleeping the time this happened. Mr. Myspace didn't come home that night. That weekend I went to Mr. Myspace's house to watch a movie. This had to be one of the most awkward moments in my life. It was still undecided if his dad was going to be staying at the house still or moving out with the mistress. I couldn't believe that his mother didn't kick his ass out on the curb. I wasn't getting involved so I pretended like I didn't know anything. I just said hi, and walked into the basement. While in the middle of watching the Will and Grace seasons his mom came down stairs asking if he could come up for a minute. He replied that he had nothing left to say. When she left I told him that he should go up, at least for his mom because she was obviously going through a lot. It was killing me, I had to hear what they were talking about. Plus they left me down stairs by myself so what else was I to do? I left Will and Grace running on the tv, and I stood by the stairs. It was hard to hear them over the tv, but Mr. Myspace wasn't speaking. I heard his mom saying things with a little more detail, like that the mistress was someone who his dad worked with, and that they had been having the affair for years, and then the next part shocked me...he was moving in with his mistress. Mr. Myspace I thought handled it very well. He didn't freak out like I had expected, he calmly came down stairs and said, "lets go". I didn't know if it was the best idea to leave his mom alone, because I didn't want her to be lonely, but maybe his parents needed their space. So like after every fight with his parents we went around the mall to walk around. It was kind of a quiet car ride. I didn't know what to talk about, and I didn't want to blast music, because this obviously wasn't a mood that you could just shake off with a good song. So I grabbed his hand as I began to notice his eyes tear up. He squeezed my hand as a tear streamed down his cheek and he rested his head on my shoulder till we got the mall. I was happy that I could be there for him this time...

An Overdose of Love

It was the beginning of my Senior year. I felt like I was on top of the world and that I could put all the drama of Sophomore year behind me. And as you could have guessed, along with Mr. Myspace's mood swings also came Mr. Myspace's old habits. While laying on the couch watching a movie he had fallen asleep, as usual, and his phone began to vibrate. Being a nosy person I glanced over and noticed it was a guys name. Once the phone had stopped ringing I nudged him waking him up. I played dumb and acted as if I didn't know anything and said "I think your phone was ringing". When he looked at his phone, he knew that I was looking over his shoulder. He claimed it was a guy who had kept bothering him even though he had told him that he had a boy friend. I wasn't about to buy that one. I told him to call the guy and tell him to leave him alone. He then played it off as though he didn't want to start drama. Well if he didn't want to start drama then I was going to do it for him. I took his phone and went up stairs. He didn't really argue because he knew at this point that there was no talking to me. I went into the missed calls and called Aaron, and conveniently he didn't answer. So I took the liberty of leaving him a pleasant voice mail stating that he shouldn't call or text that number again if he would still like his genitals attached to his body the way nature had intended them to be. After that I went back into the house and all I had to do was give Mr. Myspace a look and he knew to back off. Usually he wasn't one to back down from an argument, but he knew better than to start with me. As the week went on text messages between me and Mr. Myspace were spreading thin. He would always complain of being depressed and just in a horrible mood, but when I suggested he go back onto his antidepressants it would just turn into an argument. Knowing that he had been feeling down I thought we could do something cute, that he enjoyed doing during the summer. So that weekend we laid out on the hammock like we use to during the summer and I made him a mix CD of songs that reminded me of him and played it on the outside speakers. We just laid there and relaxed in each others arms, and watched the stars in the sky. We were able to talk peacefully and laugh together and it was a nice night. He then began to say that he wasn't feeling well. And before I could ask him what was the matter he began to shake and tremble. He said that he was scared and grabbed my hand. I was beginning to freak out because this came out of no where. He wanted to just lay there, but I made him get up, because I was starting to freak out. When he got off the hammock he walked a couple steps with me holding him up and he legs ave out. I now had to carry most of his weight.When I got him to the steps of my house he sat down. He was hesitant to going into the house because he knew my mom would question why he was sick. He then confessed to me that he had swallowed a handful of his antidepressants because he could't take being depressed anymore. I didn't know weather to feel bad or be pissed. I felt bad that he is unable to control his emotions, but I was pissed at him for being so  stupid and irresponsible by taking so many at one time. I convinced him to go in the house so we could get my mom's help in case something could seriously go wrong. Once we got inside I got him a bucket that he could throw up in and a glass of watter. Meanwhile my mom got on the phone with my aunt who is a RN nurse to make sure he was going to be okay. She reassured us that the worst that can happen is that he will puke them all up until they are out of his system. He called his parents to come pick him up, because he obviously was in no condition to drive. Once his parents got there they came into the house. It was odd seeing his parents and my parents together in the same room. They were always friendly to one another, it was just a rare opportunity to see them all in the same room. The helped Mr. Myspace up and him and his Dad walked to the car. His mom thanked my mom for everything, but they oddly didn't seem as freaked out about everything as we had. The next morning he texted me apologizing for what happened and told me he felt like an idiot, and I wasn't about to argue with him on that one...

Our Ups and Downs

As summer was coming to an end, so were me and Mr. Myspace's morning sex sessions. His parents both worked during the day, so the house was empty till about 4:00pm. I would drive down there and sometimes we would spend the day just laying in bed together. It always seemed like Mr. Myspace's room was trashed. There was always clothes every where and his desk was always buried in papers and random stuff. One day after our sex session I looked over to my right and saw on his desk to pill bottles. Being curious I asked, "what are these for?" He then confessed that they were depression pills that his doctor had put him on. I know that it was selfish of me, but I immediately thought to myself, I don't make him happy? He explained that the pills were designed to control his mood swings. This made so much more sense to me now, why he use to be all over the place with his emotions he would be up one day and completely down the next, but now things between us had been going great. He then told me that he was planning to stop taking them. His doctor was known for over medicates people with out actually getting to know his patients. He explained to me how taking the pills makes him feel numb, sure he never felt sad, but he never felt happy either. The pills keep you at a moderate level, so you tend to not feel many emotions. I could understand how that could be frustrating, but it was what had been keeping him stable and on track. He felt as though he would do fine without them and told me that once the week was over he was going to stop taking them. The next week I could notice a difference in Mr. Myspace, now knowing that he suffers from mood swings it became more noticeable to me. There would be days where he would send me cute romantic text messages non stop through out the day, and there were days when he acted as though we were barely even friends. His text messages would consist of "hey" or "sup?" Instead on novels, I got one worded texts if I was lucky, half the time I wouldn't even get a response. When I got the opportunity to talk to his mom while Mr. Myspace left the room I had asked her if she knew that he had stopped taking his pills. She rolled her eyes and said "yeah, he claims he doesn't need them anymore". She then went on to tell me a list of responsibilities he could be doing while he's sitting home all day since he isn't going to school. It sounded like pretty common stuff to me. Things that my mom always nags me about doing, it's not like she was asking him to do anything extraordinary. But when he was in moods like this there was no talking to him. Especially coming from his parents. His mom always tried avoiding big blow outs, so she would tell her husband, and when ever he said anything to Mr. Myspace it was a guaranteed fight. Even if it was"hey, so what did you do today?" there was going to be a door slammed. And then his parents would look at me, expecting me to go talk to him or say something to him. With all these blow outs things were starting to feel like they did when he was cheating on me. I would be a liar if I said that I wasn't nervous of him cheating again, but it was now a full time job of trying to get him to do what his parents ask. Even if it was for him to just pick up all the shit in his room. But it seemed like he chose any reason to have an argument. We went from having more fights then sex, although when we did have sex it was  great. There is nothing better than angry sex. There would be times that to stop him from having a blow out tantrum that I would grab his crotch to get him hard and we would begin banging each other's brains out. If I had to have sex with him three times a day to risk an argument I was going to do it. The fighting over stupid stuff wasn't worth it, and it's not like I wasn't horny more than once a day. So the more we fucked, the less we fought. It's not exactly happily ever after, but it worked for me...

From Anger to Passion

Since it was summer and I had a lot more free time I was spending most of it with Mr. Myspace. My friends were starting to have withdrawals since I kind of put them on the back burner. When Paula had called everyone for a get together at her place, it was no shocker that I was with Mr. Myspace. She barely hesitated when I told her and said, "bring him along". I was shocked. I asked him if he wanted to go and he was okay with it, so we drove over. It seemed like everything was going great we were all laughing and having a good time, like nothing had happened. I couldn't tell how Paula's reaction to the whole thing was because she was too busy walking around entertaining. After awhile the get together split up into separate rooms throughout the house. Paula's younger sister went up stairs on the computer with some friends while me and Mr. Myspace were on the couch with a couple friends in the living room, and Paula was in the kitchen doing dishes. The couple friends who were on the couch with us walked into the kitchen to see if Paula needed any help. From sitting on the couch I could hear that the girls had been whispering. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but it had to be about me and Mr. Myspace otherwise why would they have been whispering? My blood began to boil. The longer they were in there the more anxious I got. I couldn't take it anymore. I told Mr. Myspace to get up and start walking to the door. I then did something my friends have NEVER seen me do. I walked toward the front door, meanwhile Paula's sister and friends were coming down the stairs into the living room. I shouted, "If you didn't want Mr. Myspace here you could have just said something!" and slammed the door. This must have really turned Mr. Myspace on because when we got back to the house he couldn't keep his hands off of me. I was still all steamed up about my friends, but I quickly found a way to turn my anger into passion. I went to the living room where my mom had been watching t.v. to grab a movie. When she asked what I was doing I just simply said that me and Mr. Myspace were going to go to the basement to watch a movie. I couldn't even focus on what movie to pick, the only thing that was on my mind was "getting it in." I grabbed what ever looked relatively new and went to the basement. I hadn't even put the movie in yet in and he was already behind me, pressed up against my body kissing/ biting my neck. is bulge up against my back. We didn't even get to the previews and we were already naked. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other. The only time we paused was wen we heard foot steps upstairs in fear that someone might come down. We flip flopped from each of us being top to bottom. We didn't want the feeling to end. So before one of us would preform our grand finale we would give a warning and change up positions. By the end of the movie I felt like we deserved a round of applause. We definitely put on a better performance than Renee Zellweger did in the movie. I was so tired. I felt as though I had a full body work out. If I had been a smoker this would have been a great time for a cigarette. That week me and Paula conveniently didn't see much of each other. I don't know if it was a coincidence of if both of us were just trying to avoid an awkward moment. But we eventually talked it out the way most teens do nowadays....over the internet. She said her apology, and I said mine. I know that the way I reacted scared the shit out of everyone because they totally were not expecting that. I wanted to be the bigger person so I invited everyone over to my place, which has always been the hang out place because of the pool. I warned everyone that Mr. Myspace would be there so that they had time to make an excuse to back out if needed. But everyone showed up and things went great. I was floating in the pool and glanced over into the kitchen, where through the sliding glass door I could see Paula and Mr. Myspace having a conversation. He just wanted to reassure her that he knows he messed up big time and that nothing like that would ever happen again. He told her that he'd understand if she couldn't forgive him for hurting her best friend. She respected the fact that he came and talked things out with her, and decided to put this into the past. She was able to forgive, but she wasn't going to forget....

The Apology

After a week of ignoring phone calls, and apology texts I had a knock at my door. My younger brother ran into my room saying that is was Mr. Myspace and if she should answer it. I'm not one to keep things to myself so my family and friends were all aware of what happened, after a week of me venting to them. I got up from bed and told him that I'd get it. The family ran into the kitchen so they can hear me at the door. When I opened the door there he was. Standing at my door step with a bouquet of red roses and a bag of my favorite candies. I turned my head to the left and saw my mom and two younger brothers watching. I just said told them that I'd be back and I went with Mr. Myspace in his car (the passenger seat, not the back seat). We got in the car and began to drive. He pulled over to the side of the road. I was afraid he was going to try to put the moves on me and that I wouldn't be able to think straight. Instead he began to cry. I totally was not expecting that. He never came off to me as the emotional type. He took out his phone to show me how he had deleted all the guys from his contacts and pictures from his phone. I wanted to jump back into his arms, but how was I to know if this would happen again? He begged for me to trust him and that he would never do that again. I wanted to leave him hanging so that he would have more time to think about what he had done, but when he leaned in for a kiss I gave in. And after an hour and a half of nothing but talking I decided to take him back. But he was highly mistaken if he thought we were going to be having sex. When he dropped me off back at my house I kissed him good bye and watched him drive away. It didn't hit me until that moment, how was I going to explain this to everyone? I walked into the house and everyone was still in the kitchen. I walked past them as fast as I could to get to my bedroom. Before shutting the door I announced that me and Mr. Myspace were back together, and I quickly shut the door. I can feel their eyes rolling through the bedroom door. I felt like I shouldn't have to explain my decision to them, but after a week of venting to them they kind of deserved an explanation. But I was not prepared with one so I changed my myspace relationship status and went to bed. The next day my friends came at me like a stampede of wild animals. "What happened?" "Your back with Mr. Myspace?" "What did he say?" I can tell by the tone of their questioning that they weren't thrilled with my decision, but they all seemed to be supportive once I explained what he said. Everyone except my best friend Paula. It seemed as though she didn't want to hear the explanation, and she wasn't asking any questions. She didn't come out and say that I was stupid for taking him back, but I could tell that, that was what she was thinking. I know that she wasn't going to be the first person to feel that way, but it just irked me that she couldn't at least pretend to be supportive. I tried not to think to hard about it and went about my day, I knew that I was going to have to do a lot of explaining for awhile so I took a deep breath and told everyone I had vented to my story. I got a lot of smiles and "awwww's" and "congratulations" or "I'm glad you guys are working it out" but none of these seemed to matter knowing my best friend didn't approve.

Just When Everything Was Going Great...

Things between me and Mr. Myspace were going great. The sex was between us was fantastic. I love the summer. My whole attitude during the summer is just way more positive than the winter. I would spend my days floating in th pool listening to music if I wasn't working at the daycare. Mr. Myspace had been working for one of his good friend's mom. She worked from home and her own PR. He basically did her bitch work like go to the post office, get coffee's, make phone calls to her D-list celebrities that she represented, etc. But when things seem to be going perfectly of course there has to be another glitch with Mr. Myspace. Me and Mr. Myspace text each other constantly. Even if it is just to say "Hi" or "whats up?" it's more of a boredom thing, and to let each other know that were are thinking of them. I asked Mr. Myspace that morning if he would like to get together since I had the day off from work, but he had told me his lame ass excuse that he was tired and just wanted to stay home that night. I was sensing bull shit, but I didn't say anything. Instead I went with my family to my grandma's. I kept trying to text Mr. Myspace, but I wasn't getting a response. My stomach started to knot up and I began to get the feeling that something was up. It was only 7:00pm why isn't he responding? I decided to screw all the texting and call. The first time I called it kept ringing and went to voice mail. So I left him a message asking him to call me back. It was now 10:00pm and still nothing. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I don't know why I let it bother me so much. I decided to stop beating myself up and call again. This time it went straight to voice mail. He had screened my call. As I left my grandparents my brain was going in a million directions. I went home and laid in bed. Staring at the ceiling. I couldn't fall asleep. My brain wouldn't stop. The next morning I tried to call him. I was to anxious to wait for a text response. But yet again it went straight to voice mail. I couldn't sit around all day wondering what was going on. I called one of his best girl friends. She was definitely a party chick. One of those people that your mother would tell you not to hang out with because she was a "bad influence". But since my mother had no idea who she was, I told her that I was going to go hang out with Mr. Myspace and went to the bad influence's house. Like every morning, the bad influence had a pretty bad hang over. So at 1:00pm she was still in her pajama's just waking up. I could tell that the way she kept back tracking when she was talking to me that she knew what had been up with Mr. Myspace. I knew it was wrong of me to place her in the middle of things but I had to know. I barley even had to grill her for information, it seemed as though she wanted to get it off of her chest. She told me that Mr. Myspace had went to the movies last night with another guy. My heart sank into my chest. I fuckin asked him if he wanted to hang out. He had some fuckin nerve. I wanted to go to his house and beat the shit out of him. He only lived on the other side of town from the bad influence, but what would I say once I got there? I didn't care. I got in my car and drove as if I was on a mission. I got to his house and his mom came to the door surprised to see me. She said that he was still sleeping and that she was home on her lunch break from work. She went up stairs to go wake him. She came back down and left for work. Behind her came Mr. Myspace in his boxers with a shocked look on his face to see me. Since the house was now empty I went upstairs to talk to him. I walked into his bedroom and he pushed me on the bed and jumped on top of me.  He began to kiss my neck, and I could feel his bulge in his boxers getting bigger. I was still pissed, but it felt so good. Part of me wanted to beat the shit out of him, but the other part wanted to fuck his brains out. Being that I am a guy I decided to think with the head that is in my pants and not the one that is on my shoulders. After an hour and a half of fucking Mr. Myspace went to the bathroom leaving his cell phone on the night stand. I knew it was wrong but it was way to tempting. I went through his sent and received text messages. He had been sending naked pictures of himself to about 5 different guys one of them being the mystery guy from the mall. I also noticed in one of the texts that he had a guy over his house earlier that morning. They had fucked right before I got there. I felt like I had ran into a brick wall. My whole body ached. He came out of the bathroom and I lost it. I began  to throw anything around his room that I could find. He acted as though he was shocked about what was going on. I confessed that I had went through his phone and knew everything. He had a blank look on his face. He didn't know how to react. I pushed past him, slammed his bed room door and left. He tried chasing me to my car, but I couldn't listen to what he had to say. I felt like I needed to throw up. That  day my phone wouldn't stop vibrating, but I wasn't answering. I had nothing left to say to him...

Mr. Myspace's Big Day

Today was his big day. It was Mr. Myspace's High School graduation. Now that I have my license I am able to drive to his place on my own. Thankfully I have a GPS that can help me find his school. When I pull up to the school I see all the proud parents on the bleachers. The clouds start to get dark. It looks as though the end of the world is approaching. I see his parents and twin sisters standing by the fence with his grandparents recording the event. I was too shy to walk up and join them. In the sky was a jolt of lightning. The speeches started to go through faster and faster. Thunder then became louder than the valedictorian making his speech. It seemed as though out of no where buckets of water fell from the sky. The last person in line grabbed their diploma as we all sprinted to the gym. I managed to find him through the crowd of wet frantic families trying to find their graduates. both of us were drenched. It was like something out of a cheesy chick flick. I went in for a kiss, but got no more than a hug. We then walked around and he introduced me to all his teachers. I could tell which teachers he was close to and which ones he wasn't just by the way I was introduced to them. If he was close with the teacher it was, "this is my boy friend Jimmy". And if he wasn't close with them it was, "this is my FRIEND Jimmy". I always thought it was so awkward when ever he, his family, or my parents introduced us as FRIENDS. We clearly are both gay. It's not like anyone would ever mistake us for being straight. So do they actually think that when they introduce us as FRIENDS that people can't connect the dots? When ever I would hear that form of introduction it would make me cringe inside. Especially coming from my mother. I could understand why maybe his parents would want to keep our relationship on the down low, because of their Spanish culture, but what excuse did my mom have? My own father didn't find out I was gay until almost a year after I told my mom. That's how much she wanted to keep it on the wraps that she didn't even tell her own husband. I had came out on my own to family members I was close with, but there were other family members who I just didn't know how to have that kind of conversation with them. It became an unspoken thing in my family. Everyone knew, but they would just rather not bring it up in fear of an awkward conversation. My dad's side of the family had already told my mom on several occasions when I was younger that she was going to turn me gay. Perhaps she felt guilty about it. They all would say that because she let me play with dolls, listen to girly music, and be interested in girly things that she would turn me gay. In my opinion you are born gay. Because trust me I wouldn't chose to be ridiculed and judged on the daily. So needless to say I wasn't about to have a conversation about me and Mr. Myspace with my dad's side of the family. As I walked around getting to know Mr. Myspace's teachers I would constantly hear the same question asked his way, "so what are you going to do now that you've graduated?" This has been the question I have been dying to know myself. He would answer "I would like to get into modeling, and maybe go to community college".  This is coming from someone who in my eyes had the potential to be a doctor or lawyer, but he wanted to attempt modeling and go to community college? It just seemed like a waste of his knowledge. Being that I have a learning disability (auditory processing) school was never the easiest thing for me. But for him it just came so naturally. He made it look effortless, but he was lazy and didn't want to put the effort in most of the time. I was hoping his modeling dream was just a fantasy, I didn't know that he was actually serious. After the graduation ceremony we went back to his house. He had an hour before he had to go back to the school for project graduation . During this hour I got to meet his sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. It seemed as though I could see myself fitting in with his family at one point in my life. But not if he didn't come down from the clouds and face reality that modeling wasn't going to pay the bills.

My Poor Selfesteem

Things between me and Mr. Myspace seemed like they were going pretty well. My family loved him and his family adored me. They would always say, even till this day that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I had even started to get to know some of his other friends. Some of whom I could actually tolerate and bring around my friends. It seemed like everything had been going great, on paper, but in my head was a different story. It was no surprise to me that Mr. Myspace was way more attractive then me. And it had seemed like everyone loved to point out how lucky I was to bag him, even if they didn't intend to. Mr. Myspace never rally talked about what he had planned for after high school, which was odd seeing as how his graduation was coming up. The only thing he ever talked about was being a model. I don't know where he got this fairy tale dream that after high school he was going to be swooped up and carried into the modeling world in the blink of an eye. I mean he was attractive, but not that attractive. He probably could have had an actual shot at modeling if he had started at a younger age, and really put himself out there. He never tried to assure me why he was with me, and I don't think he was aware that every time he would say how georgeous he was and how he was going to be this amazing model, it made me feel crappier about myself. I liked that he was a confident person, especially because my last ex boy friend had the lowest selfesteem possible and it would always get on my nerves. So I never really told him how I felt because I didn't want to end up like my ex. But still for some reason I felt as though I wasn't attractive enough for him. He would always give me tips and face cleansers/ products to try and help my acne, but I had just started seeing a dermatologist. So getting tips from my boy friend wasn't making me feel any greater about myself, although I know he meant it with good intensions. . I still till this day don't know what he physically saw in me that no other guys did. Maybe he actually liked me for who I was? But as graduation was getting closer Mr. Myspace's senior-itious was kicking in at full speed. His mother would constantly come to me complaining about how he's going to fail school and how he wouldn't be able to graduate. So me trying to be a good boy friend tried to talk to him about it. But when ever you would bring something up that showed him in a negative light he would blow up. There was no talking to him when he got like that. It was like trying to have a conversation with a 5yr old. He knew that his mom had been talking crap about him behind his back to me and he flipped. So we ended up doing what he loved to do best when he was pissed at his parents...we went to the mall. Mr. Myspace was never really a greedy person. If we ever went out he always insisted on paying for me even if it was simply gum. I never knew how he got the money to pay for everything, but I wasn't complaining. I always tried to pay for things, but secretly I enjoyed that he would always step up and pay for everything. While at the mall we bumped into an old friend of his. His friend was clearly gay, and cuter, taller, and thinner than me. He came up and gave Mr. Myspace a hug and they started catching up. It took a couple minutes for Mr. Myspace to introduce me. I suppose I went into psycho jealous mode, because after the introduction the conversation did't last much longer. As we walked away Mr. Myspace asked what was up with the dirty looks towards his friend. I guess I had been giving a death stare with out even realizing it. Was I actually turning into one of those crazy jealous boy friends? Or was it their chemistry and conversation together that gave me bad vibes? I didn't know, but I was sure as hell going to find out. He claimed that he no longer wanted me to bottle up my emotions so I went for it. I began to grill him on how he met this mystery guy and how long they knew each other and if there was anything between them, and Mr. Myspace just kept telling me that they were only friends and that I had been over reacting. I wanted to believe him, I truly did. But I couldn't shake the feeling off that there was something more to it than just friends. But I had said my piece and let him know that I was uncomfortable with him and the mystery man and there was not much more I could do. He was already in a mood after fighting with his parents earlier that day. I mean he is dating me after all, he's not walking around with the mystery man. Maybe I'm just being selfconscious?

In the Back Seat with Mr. Myspace

After me and Mr. Myspace got past our first glitch, everything had been going great. My friends and family were a little hesitant about us getting back together, but everything seemed to be on the right track. One night after having some of my friends over the house along with Mr. Myspace I went outside with him to say good night, like I usually did. This time the good night kiss went a little further than expected. I hopped into the back seat of his car and we began to make out passionately. He then unbuttoned my pants right then and there. I was aware that someone could drive by and see us, but I didn't care. I never wanted someone so bad in my life. Once things began to heat up, and we were both getting close to our grand finale he asked if he could try fucking me. I knew that this moment was going to come up. He was already sexually active, and to be honest I was surprised he hadn't asked sooner. He wasn't pressuring me, if I said no we could have just finished up and been on our way. But I said, "sure". Although I wasn't aware of what I was getting myself into. I just wanted  to make him happy, because I was so turned on by him. He warned me that it was going to hurt, but that he would go slow. He used lots of lube to make sure there was no burning. I laid on my back, both of us had our shirts off and our pants were wrapped around our ankles. He stuck it in me and I felt a huge rush of pressure. I freaked out yelling that I can't do this and that it hurt too much. He calmed me down by holding me. Feeling his naked body against mine made me feel safe again. After a couple minutes had passed the pain had gone away. I decided that I had wanted to go at it again. If this is how gay guys had sex, I figured I would have to get use to it at some point. But I wanted to be in control. This way I could stop if it started to hurt again. So Mr. Myspace sat back in his seat and I sat on his lap and got in position to ride him. When he began to enter the immediate pressure and pain came back. I quickly sat all the way down on it. My insides hurt for a minute or two, but I just sat there until the pain went away. Once I felt comfortable I was able to move around slowly. This blew his mind. I had never seen so much pleasure in his face. This made me feel amazing about myself. I whispered into his ear, "I love you". But I didn't get a response. He made me feel shitty about myself, just as quickly as he did amazing. After I had given up my virginity we kissed and hugged and talked for a little while and he went home. Leaving me with hickey's on my neck and feeling like I had a rod in me still. I wattled back into the house, sat on the toilet and it felt as though my insides fell out, but in actuality it was his insides.I guess thats what happens when you don't use a condom. I didn't see the point of us having to use one. It's not like it was a random hook up, and things had been tight enough as it was, I didn't need latex making any more friction. I laid in bed and my phone began to vibrate. When I grabbed it off of my night table I noticed it was a text from Mr. Myspace. it read, "sweet dreams babe, I love ya". I went to bed that night with a smile on my face...