My Poor Selfesteem

Things between me and Mr. Myspace seemed like they were going pretty well. My family loved him and his family adored me. They would always say, even till this day that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I had even started to get to know some of his other friends. Some of whom I could actually tolerate and bring around my friends. It seemed like everything had been going great, on paper, but in my head was a different story. It was no surprise to me that Mr. Myspace was way more attractive then me. And it had seemed like everyone loved to point out how lucky I was to bag him, even if they didn't intend to. Mr. Myspace never rally talked about what he had planned for after high school, which was odd seeing as how his graduation was coming up. The only thing he ever talked about was being a model. I don't know where he got this fairy tale dream that after high school he was going to be swooped up and carried into the modeling world in the blink of an eye. I mean he was attractive, but not that attractive. He probably could have had an actual shot at modeling if he had started at a younger age, and really put himself out there. He never tried to assure me why he was with me, and I don't think he was aware that every time he would say how georgeous he was and how he was going to be this amazing model, it made me feel crappier about myself. I liked that he was a confident person, especially because my last ex boy friend had the lowest selfesteem possible and it would always get on my nerves. So I never really told him how I felt because I didn't want to end up like my ex. But still for some reason I felt as though I wasn't attractive enough for him. He would always give me tips and face cleansers/ products to try and help my acne, but I had just started seeing a dermatologist. So getting tips from my boy friend wasn't making me feel any greater about myself, although I know he meant it with good intensions. . I still till this day don't know what he physically saw in me that no other guys did. Maybe he actually liked me for who I was? But as graduation was getting closer Mr. Myspace's senior-itious was kicking in at full speed. His mother would constantly come to me complaining about how he's going to fail school and how he wouldn't be able to graduate. So me trying to be a good boy friend tried to talk to him about it. But when ever you would bring something up that showed him in a negative light he would blow up. There was no talking to him when he got like that. It was like trying to have a conversation with a 5yr old. He knew that his mom had been talking crap about him behind his back to me and he flipped. So we ended up doing what he loved to do best when he was pissed at his parents...we went to the mall. Mr. Myspace was never really a greedy person. If we ever went out he always insisted on paying for me even if it was simply gum. I never knew how he got the money to pay for everything, but I wasn't complaining. I always tried to pay for things, but secretly I enjoyed that he would always step up and pay for everything. While at the mall we bumped into an old friend of his. His friend was clearly gay, and cuter, taller, and thinner than me. He came up and gave Mr. Myspace a hug and they started catching up. It took a couple minutes for Mr. Myspace to introduce me. I suppose I went into psycho jealous mode, because after the introduction the conversation did't last much longer. As we walked away Mr. Myspace asked what was up with the dirty looks towards his friend. I guess I had been giving a death stare with out even realizing it. Was I actually turning into one of those crazy jealous boy friends? Or was it their chemistry and conversation together that gave me bad vibes? I didn't know, but I was sure as hell going to find out. He claimed that he no longer wanted me to bottle up my emotions so I went for it. I began to grill him on how he met this mystery guy and how long they knew each other and if there was anything between them, and Mr. Myspace just kept telling me that they were only friends and that I had been over reacting. I wanted to believe him, I truly did. But I couldn't shake the feeling off that there was something more to it than just friends. But I had said my piece and let him know that I was uncomfortable with him and the mystery man and there was not much more I could do. He was already in a mood after fighting with his parents earlier that day. I mean he is dating me after all, he's not walking around with the mystery man. Maybe I'm just being selfconscious?